why didn't you poke me back
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize