The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize