If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
