Banned from zoo.
Again?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
