We named our party play list daddy issues
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
