I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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