you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
