I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i was born a porn star she said
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
