Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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