A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
