tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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