His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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