It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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