she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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