Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
