Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
