I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
