He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
