i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
