Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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