Don't you send me to vm
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
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