let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
