Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
