She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
