I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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