My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
