Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
