you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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