She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
