ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
