Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
