I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I deserve this hangover.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
