saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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