I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
