On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
