remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
