Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
