If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
