Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
