sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
