please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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