Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
