i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
