Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
