You smell like stripper and shame
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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