I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
