I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
