i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
