Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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