I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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