Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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