I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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