Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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