yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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