I love black thongs
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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