I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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