my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
