Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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