You really coming over, don't trick.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
