Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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