K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i dont even know how to be here
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
this will be a night to untag.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
