I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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