Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
