WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
