i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
