Christians are straight up FREAKS
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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