i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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