I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
