some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize