yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
